


to the moon and back

by phancythat



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Trichotillomania, ace friendy, dermotillomania
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-30
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-07-27 16:56:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7626562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phancythat/pseuds/phancythat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Dan finds out that him and Phil are very similar, will their friendship become more?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Leaning back on the couch, my head bobbing over the top, scrolling through twitter, retweeting some of the ones that interest me. Adrian walks into the room, his backpack laying over his shoulder lazily, not that I really cared how neat his uniform was. I sense him staring into me, I think its because of the tweet that just popped up, so I close the app and scroll up and down on my home screen.

"Yo Dan, how come your missing hair, your not going bald at 14 are you?"

I bring my hand up to the centre of my hair and stroke the empty, enraged skin. Memories of last night, huge balls of brown hair clumped up, uncontrollable hands and shivers running down my spine. Its not the first time either. Skipped lessons in the bathroom, flushing hair down the drains; hiding my hand behind my neck during a stressful test to pick at the shorter hairs and the bottom of my hair.

"Oh shut up Adrian, how old are you, like five? Shut up and get to preschool and stop criticizing my follicles"

He shrugged, grabbed an apple and slouched out of the front door, his footsteps echoing on the driveway. I better get going too, Louise gets annoyed when I'm late, even though she knows i physically can't be early to anything, I'd be late to my own funeral.

After a huddled journey, headphones in, world out, I headed down the corridor towards my form room, he was already 5 minutes late, but i still have 2 minutes before I get a detention. Picking up the pace I pushed on the door with my shoulder and was greeted with a wide smile from Louise and an annoyed grunt from the form teacher, Miss Wright.

It took me a while to notice the guy sat in my normal spot, he's new, wearing an oversized blazer and thick band bracelets on his wrists. He smiled up at me, I smirked back and slipped into the seat opposite him, next to PJ.

"Dan! Your late again", Louise groaned, still beaming widely at me.

"Gah, Lou, I missed you" 

"Oh, this is Phil by the way, he's just moved here"

"Hi..." Phil's voice was really quiet, he was clearly nervous, and I cought onto the nerves, pulling my hand out of my blazer pocket and up to the top of my neck.

I looked down to his arms again, his left hand was slipped into the sleeve of his right arm, his index finger was bobbing up and down, I only looked for a moment, but he looked like he was tearing his skin up.

-

I was sat in my bedroom, the lighting dim from my fairy lights strung above the desk. Just scrolling through tumblr, avoiding the porn blogs at all cost, reblogging funny cat videos and doge memes. You know the usual. It was then the door handle creaked and I turned the screen onto sleep, turning to face the sad face of my mum.

"Dan darling, can I have a look at your hair for a moment?" 

I roll my eyes, I'd lasted so long without her realising, then Adrian goes and blabs. She runs her fingers through the back of my hair, slowing over the shorter areas and stopping completely over last nights patch.

"What's happening, Daniel? What's going on?"

"Mu-"

"I'm booking a doctors appointment for tommorow, I'm sorry"

What? No she can't do that? The doctors going to think I'm mental if I say I pull my hair out? Thats something little kids do, not 14 year olds.

I grab my phone and type in the only number I can think of.

"Hey Dannny"  
Louise's cheerful voice echoes through the phone.

"Hi Louise, you wont believe my little brother"

"Dan, are you crying? What's happened?"

"Well this morning Adrian spotted a bald patch I made on my parting, so it wasn't well hidden. Guess who he told?"

"Your mum?" Louise sound exasperated.

"Yep, I've got a doctors appointment tommorow, she sounded so disappointed about it, she ran her fingers over all of them"

"Oh Dan..."

-  
I gripped the roof tiles tightly as I clambered onto the rooftop, I'm not too sure why, I was planning on jumping anyway. I looked up at the sky, maybe for a calling to stop.

I wasn't expecting one, but I got one, a shooting star. It flew across the sky spitting little golden flecks into the black night sky. I lowered myself down onto the tiles and sat for an hour watching all the little glowing signs of hope twinkle. It was overwhelming, they went on forever, its incomprehensible. Humans rely on something having an edge, a shape, an end. Maybe I'm ready to let all of this go, or maybe I'm ready to stop relying on the end.


	2. 2

data-p-id=11ce1d9dc190754573440848d22bdf50,I keep telling myself to breathe, keep telling myself it'll be ok. I've already met two people, they both seem nice. The girl, Louise, was really smiley and welcoming, she helped me find my locker and warned me about Miss Wrights temper. The boy, PJ, lent me a pen because I left all of mine at home and told me all about a media project he's working on. Maybe I'll be ok with two friends, maybe if I cling on to one of them they'll eventually begin to like me. But what if they hate me, but are too polite to tell me? data-p-id=73244eb62c32fbaca981d05aab6b84c2,I slowly push my hand into the opposite sleeve and begin to scratch at the raw skin, picking at scabs and bits of uneven flesh. It wasn't long until the bell went, and Louise kept fussing to PJ about some Dan bring late again. Just as she started to rant again the door creaked open. data-p-id=19d9be9506f5f3dd909ed08271c7c032,He was tall, really tall, as tall as me and thats rare seeing as I'm a living giant. He had soft brown hair swept to the left side, the same style as mine only brown and reversed. He stood slouched and rushed, he clearly had had a rough night last night. Just as my eyes moved down to his crumpled blazer, Louise perked up. data-p-id=28ddb11932d8400de0d34c66095c4caf,"Dan! Your late again!" she said it smiling, but with a fake annoyance in her voice. data-p-id=ee4b092cdb4c87d2151ea48391013ce0,The tall guy, I assume Dan, looked up and beamed back at her as he walked towards the seat opposite me. data-p-id=28b44c85dc0debd8c84448b3a869ae93,"Gah, I missed you Lou" data-p-id=8c3a64860cfd2c7364284a981bcc9602,His voice was so smooth, like nutella on toast, or a kittens fur, or a clean cut marble worktop. data-p-id=db3f6ec48361d5194165c76f2faec0a0,Louise turned to smile at me, then back at Dan, "Oh, this is Phil by the way, he just moved here" data-p-id=8bdd73056b4905926d63e00184c69ba9,"Hi..." I managed to force out, he nodded back and smiled, before bringing his hand up to scratch his neck. This is gonna be a long day... data-p-id=ea82fc8d8f320d771fe2d4072039e7bf,- data-p-id=2245c85ef23502d3ae47e2f4b0682be8,At lunch, I sat on a table with Louise, PJ and Dan. There were also Hazel, Jack, Dean and Dodie who I hadn't met yet and Tom who was in my maths set. data-p-id=9ae2c84fd28a70ffef74a82761f20f1f,Louise wasn't shy. She kept joining in in other conversations and encouraged me to participate to, she was the one who introduced me to everyone. data-p-id=fc30763a7748b1542666c31240e7a50e,PJ loved films, he kept referencing something that someone said to a classic movie, he seemed to speak in film quotes and nonsense, it made me and everyone else laugh. data-p-id=07c0ecd8d96b90fe6e517baa65bcddac,Hazel is very sweet and when everyone was chatting about something that happened before I joined (which was most of it) she'd quietly explain it to me while everyone else laughed. A weird quirk I did spot though was Tha she referred to Jack exclusively as Jack Howard. data-p-id=9b155b2f5b84bb5b9276c6486106a87f,Jack and Dean were a double act, they just messed about making bad jokes and commenting on how prejudice the teachers were being towards Dean. Hazel explained that Dean was trans, he came out last summer and was very open about it. Apparently teachers were still calling him Deliah, "which was an ugly name anyway". data-p-id=2caafdf6d3335035f7a7559765568cc6,Dodie is a literal ray of sunshine, she was always smiling or tapping out a tune on the table. She was showing everyone a picture of her 6 year old sister carrying her new cat, she was very proud. When I'd said that she looked really happy, Dodie smiled but it faded really quickly, almost in doubt, before I popped back up again when she showed the picture to Louise. data-p-id=6ecd717d8e3c263df23f9b9bad44e833,Tom kept laughing at Jack and Deans comments, but he don't really talk himself, he seemed quiet happy being neutral and enjoying the noise without being noisy, I'm not really sure what he's like yet. data-p-id=03248506991a568d1bf56201a722dc2a,And Dan, well Dan. Dan was laughing and joking with the rest, he was really funny even though all of his jokes were shit posts and memes with no originality. But he seemed really stressed. He was rolling around Dodie's mouldable rubber from art. She stole it for him because he lost his old stress ball, well that's what Hazel told me. Dan seemed to stare at me a lot, he made me feel uncomfortable he kept looking at my arms and my hands, I started to feel like he could see the marks, but he can't have. Still, it was enough to put me off scratching for a bit, made me uncomfortable, made me want to pick more. data-p-id=336d5ebc5436534e61d16e63ddfca327,- data-p-id=284bb0c768e5099c677b60aa086f0c65,Art last lesson, the first day had seemed quiet successful so far, my nails were a little bloody,  but thanks to the charcoal on my hands you couldn't really tell. I'd sat next to Dodie, she was helping me find all the equipment and supplies. The teacher's waffling on about how important it is to be yourself and all that other 'believe in yourself' bull-crap. I roll my eyes, and continue marking out the craters on the moon I'm drawing. It fills up three quarters of the A3 page, ready for some serious blending and shading.  In the bottom corner I've sketched out the shape of a hand, grasping for something. The moon. id=5b94311f46881ccc4ed2e266692b4f1f,The moon really is a wonderful place, its empty and weightless, you can float around freely and there is no one there to stop you. There's no worried, no problems, no people. No Dan staring into your soul, no Louise forcing you into unwanted conversations, no Mum convincing you its just hormones, no Dad telling you to 'just stop it'. No one at all.


End file.
